Friday, December 26, 2008

Parents just don't understand...

I have the best parents in the world, they do anything and everything they can to provide for me and my sister. They are the best parents in the world...however, we disagree a lot. My mother and I basically disagree on everything. I told her that I am taking the 7:30pm bus back to Boston the weekend of Chinese New Years and she flipped the shit. Well, maybe not flipped the shit but we disagreed.

Yes, they do still treat me like a 13 year old telling me staying out late is dangerous. If 11pm arrives and I am not home, I will get phone calls every 15 minutes on the dot until the front door opens. I am used to the freedom that I get when I am at school going out whenever I want if its going out out or just to the store to get a drink.

She was lecturing me that it is dangerous to be going back that late, and we don't communicate really well due to the language barrier. My words sometimes can be mixed up in Chinese and be really hurtful. I have decided that I cannot live at home once I graduate because I want to save the relationship between me and my mother. Sounds like a marriage and yes it is that dramatic. We disagree too much and I know it is hurtful when I say "I don't want to live at home" in Chinese but what I mean is "I can't live at home because we would argue." Maybe it is the Pisces in me and the Capricorn in her. I just want to enjoy my freedom, I would love to live at home for a bit but I just can't take the nagging about my baggy sweatpants or coming home late. Yes, she is right in regards of worrying about my safety but when does it end?

She is a great mother, that's what mothers do but I just want her to understand that it makes me feel bad when shes staying up or she's worrying about me. It hurts me more that tonight she went to bed mad and I did not do much to diffuse the situation.

Through it all, she's still my best friends but if she found out some of the things that I did would kill her. She raised me well and I want her to know but like my cousin says "girl, i can't live with you."

As far as my dad goes, we've been getting along fine ever since I went away for school. He left China when I was little and I did not start living with him until I was 7 when I moved to the States. After 13 years, we did not get over that 7 years absence. I always blamed him for it and not until recently, I realized that he did what he did because it was for the betterment of me. I never got a chance to say "thank you." I had never given my dad a hug in my life and I hope that comes soon because he deserves it. However, he does not understand as well...he has this big dream where an extension will be built in our backyard. My mother and him would retire and live in that part of the house while the house itself will be past on to me and my sister. It is a great plan but its not what I want.

Ultimately, I just want to make my parents proud and make them happy. They have given their life to me at age 26 and that's a little more than 5 years til I am 26. I want to give everything that I have back to them as soon as I am able to. I am fed up with watching them work 6 days a week and struggle the way they have to. But I have to live my own life and live out my dreams, and they have to understand that.

Until that day comes...


p.s. they are still the best parents in the world and I want them to know that.

3 comments:

Golden Nigz Rong said...

touching entry long, very touching. i feel the same way myself about my parents. It's that struggle bro, the american dream right?

Jaime Siochi said...

truth.

but then sometimes i wonder if in reality, we're the ones that don't understand. can work both ways eh.

David said...

long, i am sorry that i ripped on your for leaving louie's new year's eve party early. you are my boy and i should have understood since i come from the same place you do. but i guess i have it easier since i'm the youngest in my family. my siblings are 8 and 6 years older. so i'm spoiled compared to them. maybe your sister will get it a little easier or maybe she won't. who knows? she's a girl and parents never want their little girl to grow up.