Parents just don't understand...

I have the best parents in the world, they do anything and everything they can to provide for me and my sister. They are the best parents in the world...however, we disagree a lot. My mother and I basically disagree on everything. I told her that I am taking the 7:30pm bus back to Boston the weekend of Chinese New Years and she flipped the shit. Well, maybe not flipped the shit but we disagreed.

Yes, they do still treat me like a 13 year old telling me staying out late is dangerous. If 11pm arrives and I am not home, I will get phone calls every 15 minutes on the dot until the front door opens. I am used to the freedom that I get when I am at school going out whenever I want if its going out out or just to the store to get a drink.

She was lecturing me that it is dangerous to be going back that late, and we don't communicate really well due to the language barrier. My words sometimes can be mixed up in Chinese and be really hurtful. I have decided that I cannot live at home once I graduate because I want to save the relationship between me and my mother. Sounds like a marriage and yes it is that dramatic. We disagree too much and I know it is hurtful when I say "I don't want to live at home" in Chinese but what I mean is "I can't live at home because we would argue." Maybe it is the Pisces in me and the Capricorn in her. I just want to enjoy my freedom, I would love to live at home for a bit but I just can't take the nagging about my baggy sweatpants or coming home late. Yes, she is right in regards of worrying about my safety but when does it end?

She is a great mother, that's what mothers do but I just want her to understand that it makes me feel bad when shes staying up or she's worrying about me. It hurts me more that tonight she went to bed mad and I did not do much to diffuse the situation.

Through it all, she's still my best friends but if she found out some of the things that I did would kill her. She raised me well and I want her to know but like my cousin says "girl, i can't live with you."

As far as my dad goes, we've been getting along fine ever since I went away for school. He left China when I was little and I did not start living with him until I was 7 when I moved to the States. After 13 years, we did not get over that 7 years absence. I always blamed him for it and not until recently, I realized that he did what he did because it was for the betterment of me. I never got a chance to say "thank you." I had never given my dad a hug in my life and I hope that comes soon because he deserves it. However, he does not understand as well...he has this big dream where an extension will be built in our backyard. My mother and him would retire and live in that part of the house while the house itself will be past on to me and my sister. It is a great plan but its not what I want.

Ultimately, I just want to make my parents proud and make them happy. They have given their life to me at age 26 and that's a little more than 5 years til I am 26. I want to give everything that I have back to them as soon as I am able to. I am fed up with watching them work 6 days a week and struggle the way they have to. But I have to live my own life and live out my dreams, and they have to understand that.

Until that day comes...


p.s. they are still the best parents in the world and I want them to know that.

Sal's Sports is next...

Sal Marchiano retired from his sports anchoring job on Channel 11's 10 o'clock news last week. I am sad because Sal was my favorite sports anchor and for a period of time, I wanted to be like him. He gave 40 years to the business and ever since I was in elementary school I would stay up to 11 just so I can watch and listen to him speak. After listening to his calm and soothing voice talking about the Giants, Knicks, Mets, Yankees and Rangers, I would be able to go to sleep.

I am glad that I got a chance to watch one of the segments when I came home this break but I didn't know that it will be the last time that I would see him on air. I caught one of his many famous phrases "toodle-ooo ta ta and see ya" and knowing that I would be able to sleep well tonight.

Enjoy your retirement Sal, nightime Sports broadcasting will never be the same in NY without you.

Sal's Sports is next if you keep it where it is.

I HAVE BEEF WITH...

school and how everyone is in it to not gain an education but to gain a grade that gives you anything BUT an education

vegetarians and Christians, please don't judge me while I don't judge you

lung cancer for taking away my grandfather

rappers who are killing the essence of hip-hop

Jonas Brothers and Miley Cryus, please go away

Republicans for polarizing society

Capitalism for creating competition for necessities

my parents for letting me disrespect them as a teenager

GENTRIFICATION

the FOX NEWS CHANNEL and the creation of the most hated woman in America, Michelle Malkin

the war in Iraq

Boston for selling their food mad expensive

time because your ass don't wait for nobody

love because I can't figure you out yet

people who charge 5 dollars for their party

WHITE PEOPLE who run the world

Asians who don't give enough of a FUCK to stand up

people who preach "get involve" but do it for the wrong reasons

the word "leader" and how it is used loosely

my debt

APPLE because their computers are mad expensive and Lord knows I want them

public schools for not teaching kids about their own culture but rather everyone else other than their own

"the master narrative"

how religion was spread globally

my sister for acting just like me when I was her age

garment factories who treat their workers like shit

the after-school programs who take those workers money because they promise to tutor their kids when they really don't

pro-athletes who don't deserve all that money

ME for writing this during the time of giving.

you taste like cigaretts...

I caught the writing bug and just wanted to write...

about Chinatown. Other than Brooklyn, Chinatown has been in a way a second home for me. My parents have always worked there, I've worked there, my friends still work there...hell I still work there. Something just ain't right this time around. I see Chinatown changing, and I know it has been for the past 10 years but this time around...something is not sitting with me well. At night when I walk around Chinatown, I see more and more white people on the streets. They jogging, walking their dogs, on dates, in the stores buying food...

WHEN DO YOU EVER SEE SOMEONE JOG IN CHINATOWN AT NIGHT?!

Even though I joke about it with my friends, I feel sad and hurt at the same time because I know gentrification is happening. It is SUCH a dirty word. One may say that Chinatown is changing for the better but who is moving out? who is moving out the affordable housing and rent control units? Who is being threatened at night to get out so the landlord can make more money?

Hopeless is a way to describe what I feel like at times when I walk down Grant Street. I see shops and restaurants closing, buildings gutted it out for one purpose and less and less elderly walking on the streets in their neighborhood because who knows where they were banish to?

The saying is right..."you see more problems in your neighbor's backyard." All this time, I've been trying to raise awareness in the wrong doings in Boston's Chinatown and forgot about my own. It is also sad to see that we have so many youths in Chinatown yet no know seem to care because it's not an issue in their world of being "fresh" or that someone is trying their hardest to make it out of New York like I did.

Chinatown is dying...in front of our eyes and no one seems to care

NAAScon Day 2&3

yeah...


So it's been more than two months since my last post about NAAScon. I just got caught up with school, life and everything in between.

Atlanta was just dope. I've met some cool people who share the same interest, fire and desire about Asian America. They were my kind of people who I can chill with and as them activist say, "fight along side in this revolution." Big shouts to my cousin, TOBY WU who was one of the coordinators. He did an amazing job igniting the spark which our generation of Asian American youths should have, because everything is "not okay" as my Louie would say.

To summarize everything, the workshops for NAAScon was very different as oppose to workshops I've gone before in conferences I will not name. I felt the workshops do mean something from Asian Americans in media, to gentrification, to the 39 Confederate soldiers who fought in the Civil War. Where is our history, how can we obtain these information? It is so vital for us to know about these things yet no one seem to give two shits about it. I am glad I had the opportunity to share my time with people who cared.

Big ups to Kevin Kao who drove us around Atlanta, my ODU peoples who were "hella" cool as them West Coast people would say, of course the organizations of NAAScon.


Goodnight Altanta, I will be back someday...thanks of the hospitality.

NAAScon Atlanta 2008 Day 1

The following three posts were handwritten in my journal.

Friday October 17, 2008:

WOOOOOO!!!!! ATLANTA!!!!!
It's 11:25pm, and we have just arrived back at our hotel from Emory University. Why are we here? We are here to represent Northeastern University at NAAScon (National Asian American Student Conference). Big thanks to Delia and Van up north for giving me this tremendous opportunity and I think I can speak for Hannah, SK and Sarah that we appreciate everything that y'all have done for us for this weekend.

Our trip started at 11am in front of Dockser hall, and Van being the "mom" that she is had to come and send us off, just kidding Van! I felt like we were on a business trip with shuttles picking and dropping us from and to the airport. It was actually the first time that I board a plane since 2006 so I was a bit nervous.

I made a mistake of not eating breakfast before going to the airport so I had to buy breakfast there. It was the most expensive muffin and coffee that I've ever bought...$4.68! Our flight was delayed and we finally departed at 1:43pm from Boston heading to Atlanta! Thanks to the girls, I got the window seat and it made my day when I got to see home as we flew over New York City. I got a little teary-eyed because I miss home but I'll be back soon.


We arrived at Atlanta to a rainy Atlanta. Also, we were all hungry. We were debating whether to eat at the Popeyes at the airport or just wait. We chose the latter of the two and it was a great choice shown later. Again, the shuttle was waiting for us outside the airport and after some traffic, we arrived at our beautiful hotel and greeted us with their cookies which was clutch because we were starving at the time.

There was a diner right outside our hotel conveniently and we decided to feast there. We ordered wings, ribs, steaks, soups, whatever you name. I had country fried steak for the first time and it was delicious!

We headed over to Emory around 7:30 to make the film screening of "Vincent Who?" For those who do not know the story of Vincent Chin, please look it up because I think it is a story that everyone should know. The director Curtis Chin was also there, and he happens to be a family friend of Vincent Chin. For those who know the story, one of the comments after movie was that Vincent did not say he was not Japanese after being accused of it and as he was beaten to death and the fact that he did not say that he's not Japanese meant that he chose to died for Asian America. I disagreed with the comment because I don't think Mr. Chin's mindset as it was all happening was that he was going to die for Asian America. He did not wake up that day wanting to be a mortar. However, I feel like Asian Americans did make Vincent a mortar because we should be. The man lost his life and justice was not brought upon the murderers. It was our trigger to say "enough is enough, we will be heard."

Anyways, more will be posted on the issue. After the movie, we went back to the hotel and called it a night.

Ignorant!

Damn two post in a month? never happen before.

This kid on the bus today whispered to his friend, "why he wearing a Obama shirt, he not even black."

WELCOME HOME LONG WU!

ahhh, sweet home Coney Island. Well back to the previous quote, I was wearing my OBAMA shirt today and a random black kid from my neighborhood said that of me. I turned to him and looked him dead in the eye and said, "are you serious?" He didn't say anything back to me.

I mean seriously, the fact that the kid even said that proved that I deserve to wear that shirt more than him. Something so ignorant, coming from someone of color about another person of color who believes in the cause that everyone should be equal would say something so ignorant?

you know what? I shouldn't even elaborate on how I feel because it's a shame that dude has the right to vote after all that people have fought for.

"LIL BOI OF GREATNESS"

I was born in China; I learned how to walk, run, jump, throw, ride a bike in China and even most of my family still lives in China yet why am I not excited about the Olympics? People asked me "you are going to watch the opening ceremony right?" and I would reply..."maybe, if I get a chance." To say that it was not on the top of my list was an understatement. Friday morning, my mother asked me if I was proud of China for holding the Olympics, and I didn't know how to answer her. When I asked her the same question, she shouted in excitment "yes!" Still I didn't understand the hype about the Olympics.

I guess it comes from who I identify myself as, an Chinese-American. Yes, I was born in China but yet I don't identify myself as just Chinese. I don't speak Chinese well, I'm not literate, and I was raised in New York City so I would like to say that I am more American than Chinese. However, society tells me that I am Chinese by the color of my skin but my dominant language tells me otherwise. Don't get me wrong, I embrace my identity as Chinese-American. I'm the best of both worlds but something about the Olympics didn't appeal to me.

Not too long ago, I watched a piece on CNN that showed young Chinese girls training for the Olympics. The girls were about 6 years old, dressed in the clothing that they came to the gym in, and were doing exercises that would help them in gymnastics. I mean they were 6 years old, and they were already training for the Olympics...sweating, and screaming in pain, not exactly something to be excited for. Also, the whole humanitarian issues did not make me a big China fan.

Then Yao Ming came out with the Chinese flag with such pride in his eyes, and I started to drink the Kool-Aide. I think it was the first time during this Olympic season that I felt proud to that the Olympics was held in my country of origin. I get why my mother was so proud of China, I get the hype and I get what the Olympics was all about. With everything that's going on in China, the allegations of funding in Darfur, Tibet, Fulan Gong, poverty, earthquake victims, there was a symbol of hope walking next to the face of China in the western world. There was Lin Hao, a 9 year old earthquake survior who saved two of his classmates. After his school was perished after the earthquake, he freed himself and went back to save his friends simply because he was the hall monitor and it was his job. He encouraged his classmates to sing songs to keep their spirits up while they waited for rescurers. I started to get emotional because in the mist of all these "problems" here's this 9 year old boy who examplifynot only the Olympic spirit but the human spirit. A 9 year old boy who taught the world about being a great citizen, a great friend and a hero. Yao Ming was wrong when asked what Lin Hao meant to China, Yao responded "hope." Not only to China but to the world.

Special Thanks!

Finally, I got enough motiviation to write in this blog of mine. I started two months back but I never really got the urge to write in this. At the same time, theres so much in my mind that I just can't recline and theres so much shit that went on and still going on that make me wonder.

Few weeks back I took a trip to Philadelphia to meet up with some of my teammates. They really took me back to the days when things were simple and nothing in life is really that important to stress over. The weekend was simple, relaxing and just plain chill. No one really gave me shit or brought up problems. When we did argue, it was over the most useless materials that we laugh about it at the end. No beef, or grudge. Things were simple and always simple with these dudes, maybe it was the time that we endured together. We grew up on the field as well as off the field together. But now we are growing individually and I have hit a few bumps on the road. Somehow, some way everytime that I do...there they are, standing ready to pick me up and let me know that everything will be alright. I wish I could be a better friend to them and I dont know how I am doing in their report cards for me. Even though I don't show it at times, what Jared said during the weekend was right, "you guys are the closest friends that I have." The saying is right, "true friends grow separately but they never grow apart." It's been almost two years since I really sat down and spent time with my teammates but when we do see each other, it seems just like it was last week when we sat at the pizza shop and played cards til it was dark. I guess I never joined a fraternity for a reason, because I have 14 of them out there.

Until we meet again, Peace and love from Boston to my brothers.